


Better than a Dream, Sweeter than a Memory

by SpaceWaffleHouseTM



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A lot of kissing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben and Rey Flirt Shamelessly, Cuddling, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, First Words, Flowers, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Kisses, Literally so fluffy, M/M, Married Reylo, Mentions of Pregnancy, Non-Linear Narrative, Post TROS, Rey still explores starships, Reylo Baby, Their son loves Ben’s hands more than we do, Theyre very soft, Tros fix-it, Unplanned Pregnancy, but it’s a flashback, it's obnoxious, pregnancy in the third one, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22248496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWaffleHouseTM/pseuds/SpaceWaffleHouseTM
Summary: Years after the war ended, Ben and Rey are happily married with a five month old son. On her husband’s birthday, Rey sneaks into the old starship  she has a habit of stealing from with their baby to try and find a gift for him, intending to keep it a surprise until he catches on and they share a sweet moment with their son instead.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 91
Kudos: 530
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Starships

**Author's Note:**

> This is so not what I normally write but it came to me in a dream and I knew I had to write it so HERE IT IS.

The first jump she makes between the beams of the starship that morning has a somewhat rough landing. Normally, Rey has four limbs with which to catch herself when she goes flying through the air, but this morning, she only has three. Technically she could use all four, but the precious bundle swaying against her chest warrants extra protection, she thinks. Both she and Ben would hate themselves forever if something happened to their son, Jay, but that isn’t going to stop her from bringing him on adventures. 

This is the first time she’s brought him with her into the starship she’s been exploring—scavenging, too, since old habits die hard—since they moved to the jungle planet, and she has to admit, it’s nice to not be alone on her morning journey, but she’s going to have to find her sea legs again with him in her arms. It had been important for her to have him here; today is Ben’s first birthday since their child had been born, and though he’s only five months old, Rey wants his input in figuring out what to get her husband as a gift. There’s a million treasures on this ship that she knows she still hasn’t discovered, and she’s found many gifts for him before while alone—it was how she’d found him a present every year since they’d moved here—here, but when she’d been on her way out of the house she and Ben had built on the lakeside that morning, she’d taken one look at her sons face, and decided he was coming with her. 

A person was never too young to explore their first starship, and she’d be damned if her child didn’t immediately have a knack for finding the use in old things the second he knew how to walk. 

Rey looks down at her son’s face as she recovers from the odd landing, smiling down at him as he sleeps on through the chaos, then she sighs. “Just a few more to go,” she promises him, then she begins to climb up this beam. It’s twenty feet up before she can jump to the next one and climb up a few more beams to the main hallway that leads to the room she’s thinking of where all realms of trinkets that must’ve been owned by someone wealthy once upon a time lie waiting for her. 

A soft grunt escapes her as she pulls herself up the beam, watching carefully as she places her feet on the little spokes that almost function as a ladder. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem—it didn’t even scare her when she’d do this in the months before he was born—but today she actually has her son in her hands, and that precious cargo has her entire body on high alert. 

It all still feels like some kind of wonderful dream. Everything from the end of the war, falling in love with Ben, their engagement, their wedding where she’d worn his grandmother’s dress, and of course, the birth of their son all feels like something she’s going to lose at any moment. It takes her a lot of time some mornings to realize it’s all real, that she has Ben, that they’re in love, that the love between them actually created something so sweet and pure—and sleepy,  _ kriff,  _ this baby sleeps a lot—and sometimes it overwhelms them both. There are mornings where either she or her husband will wake up in tears, and one will wind up holding the other until they calm down, whispering encouragements and sweet nothings until everything feels normal again. 

The baby—their  _ son _ —helps somewhat. Though normally Jay is a good sleeper, he does occasionally need them in the middle of the night, and when Rey hears that cry it’s an instant reminder that everything is fine and all her nightmares are a lie. She can tell Ben feels the same, because neither of them complains too much when it happens, and they even take turns getting up to take care of what their child needs and coax him back to sleep. Sometimes they do it together, and those days are her favorite, when they just stand over his crib, watch him sleep, and remember that they are living the wonderful life they fought so hard for. 

The day Jay had been born had been the first time she’d realized that everything was well and truly over. Looking over his sleeping form that night as she and Ben snuggled him in bed, they’d both looked at one another and known at long last, they would truly never be alone again. The past was in the past, and this was their future. Their biggest concern now was keeping their child safe, and making sure he turned out halfway decent by the time he reached adulthood. 

That seemed a much more enjoyable challenge than making sure the entire galaxy didn’t fall to hell. So far? It has been. In spite of all the odds, this has been an unexpected joy in her life, and though it’s not where she thought her life was going, she’s perfectly content with it. 

Especially when her life allows her to indulge in old habits and come home to them both every night with a gathering of new things she found and stories to tell Jay—stories she hopes he’ll one day be able to listen to and take with him as he grows up.

As she reaches the top of one beam, Rey’s muscle memory kicks into gear, and she tightens the sling around her before she jumps to the next beam, sticking this landing much more cleanly than the last one. Once she’s stable, she checks on her son, making sure he’s still sleeping before she grips the beam in one hand, and pumps a fist into the air with the other. “ _ Yes! _ ” she shouts to the silent bowels of the ship, then she keeps climbing up, unable to keep the smile off of her face as she realizes she has just figured out how to climb through starships with a baby strapped to her chest. 

Maybe she just might be good at this parenting thing. She’d been worried when they found out they were going to have a baby that she would be horrible at this having had no real role models, but this is one of those signs that makes her think she’s got this, that one day there’s going to be a real person standing at her side, big and strong, whom she helped raise. “We’ve got this, Jay, you and me against the galaxy, hmm?”

The baby doesn’t answer, but he does coo quietly as he wakes, the sound creating a warm, fuzzy feeling in her stomach that she always gets whenever he or Ben are near. She can sense her son’s happiness in the force as she begins climbing the next beam, sensing him the way she can sense her husband, which she found a little scary at first, but then the two of them had done a bit of reading. Their son had been born of a dyad in the force—he was as much a part of the bond as his parents were. Of course they could sense his thoughts. 

It sure made figuring out what he needed five hundred times easier. It made  _ everything _ easier, especially parenting. 

“What do you think your dad would like?” she muses, then she reaches for another piece of beam, and jumps onto a nearby platform before running toward the next. “Silverware? Bed sheets? Maybe he could use them as a cape.” A tiny laugh escapes her as she climbs the beam, grunting as she pulls both her and the baby up onto the next tier. “He used to love wearing capes, you know. Your dad was a pain in the ass when I met him, but he looked good in a cape.”

He really had. Even when he’d been Kylo Ren, even when he’d been in the throes of the dark side’s clutches, a part of her had always found him alluring—maybe the capes and the gloves had more to do with it than she wanted to admit. It certainly had more of an impact than Jay would ever know. 

Jumping onto another beam, Rey clutches the infant’s head to her chest, listening for any sign that he’s uncomfortable, but all he gives her is a tiny babble in response. “Yeah, we’ll get your dad a cape. Maybe a white one? I’ve been trying to get him to wear white since the war ended. I think he’d look good in it.” She pulls herself into a hallway, flicking on the lights—she’d rewired them herself on a climb she’d taken shortly after learning she was going to have a son, deciding that she needed a lighting system better than her lightsaber if she was going to keep exploring starships until, and even after, he was born—with a wave of her hand. “Do you think he’d look good in white?”

Jay just makes another gurgling sound, and she feels a tiny hand grasping at the white fabric she’d draped over her shirt that morning. All she does is grin as she heads to what she suspects was once the captain’s quarters, and begins to examine the varying trunks and furniture scattered throughout the room. Pillows that look incredibly well made and expensive have been scattered throughout the room, but that’s not just because of the crash, she knows. 

On their second anniversary, she and Ben had come in here and engaged in a playful battle with the pillows, and they’re still lying strewn about the room where they’d left them. That had also been the night they’d dragged the torn up mattress off the bed frame, gotten tangled up in the sheets, and accidentally made Jay. It was one of the best nights she’s had since the war, and she holds that memory dear to her heart—even if it’s the reason she has an implant in her arm now. 

“We could steal some pillows while we’re here, too, couldn’t we?” she asks, then she begins heading toward the closet—one of those massive walk-in ones that is bigger than the home she made for herself on Jakku—and opens up the doors, searching for something that could become a cape or is already a cape just so she doesn’t have to do anything special with the bedsheets. It’s efficient, she thinks, to make use of what already exists than to try and make it out of something else. Still, she’ll do just about anything to find out what her husband looks like dressed in white. He’s worn a few shirts or pants of the color, but never an ensemble that’s completely  _ bright.  _

This may be her husband’s birthday but she’s going to get  _ something  _ out of it. 

Just as she begins rummaging through all the clothes on the floor, she picks up on another presence nearby in the force. Normally this would be something she finds alarming, since no one really comes up into this ship but her, but the moment she feels Ben’s joy at realizing she’s near in the bond, she relaxes. There is no danger, just the man she married. 

Footsteps sound in the hallway outside, and she can hear the distant sound of his lightsaber turning off as he clips it to his belt. “Rey?” he calls out, then she stifles a laugh as she listens to the sounds of him getting closer. 

Looking down at her son, Rey sighs. “What do you think? Should we tell your dad we’re here and ruin the surprise?” She’s not sure what surprise she means; it’s not like she’s actually picked anything out yet, but she does have a plan for what she wants. It’s better than nothing.

Somehow, in spite of barely being capable of babbling, Jay lets out a delighted squeal that can definitely be heard from the hallway, and she rolls her eyes as the footsteps outside stop and her husband enters the captain’s quarters. “Rey?”

“I’m in here,” she announces, then she steps out of the closet, and instantly is captured by Ben’s gaze. The smile on her face widens as she looks at him, realizing he hadn’t taken the time to change into day clothes or comb his fingers through his hair, and so he still looks like he’s just stepped out of bed. 

Given that she left that morning while he was still sleeping, watching his chest rise and fall evenly as she placed Jay safely in the sling, he probably has. 

Relief makes itself known on Ben’s face as he crosses the room, immediately sweeping both her and the baby into his arms as she hums contentedly, and wraps hers around him as well. Both of them are doing their best not to crush their son between them, but she really wishes she’d thought to set jay down on one of the many pieces of fabric so she could embrace him properly. “Hi,” she breathes, one of her hands already beginning to stroke his hair as he sighs into hers. “Sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I knew where you’d be,” he assures her, then he turns his head, and presses a kiss to her temple before he pulls back, and stares down at the little bundle looking up at his parents’ faces. “And you.”

At this, Jay smiles as if he can understand what they’re saying, dimples wide like his father’s as his hazel eyes—definitely a trait from her—shine between each blink of his eyelids. His father can’t help but chuckle as he reaches up, and brushes aside one of the dark curls on his forehead—and  _ kriff,  _ have Ben’s hands always been so massive?—before leaning down to press a kiss to his son’s head. 

He’s a good dad, she thinks. He does just as much of the work as she does—sometimes more if he can help it, as if he’s trying to make up for the nine months where he didn’t have as much to do—and he’s always there for them both even when they don’t think they need support. It’s clear he loves his son about as much as he loves her, she’s known this from the very first time he held him and began to cry he was so overcome with emotion, and if somehow the galaxy ever fell to war again, she knows they’ll both go through hell to protect him. She knows Ben would leap into flames for their son, and so every tender moment between them, like this one, feels that much more precious. 

The sight of it sends those fluttering feelings through Rey’s stomach again, and she feels any tension remaining in her body dissipate as she watches him straighten, then he tucks one of the thin strands of hair behind his sons little ear, and exhales slowly. Sensing the longing within him, Rey rests a hand on his cheek, then she presses a kiss to his lips, rocking onto the balls of her feet for a few seconds as he returns it, the whole thing feeling just like the first kiss they’d shared on Exegol. It’s soft and sweet, but it lingers, then she pulls away, and smiles at him. “Do you want to hold him?”

Ben doesn’t hesitate. “ _ Yes,” _ he breathes, then Rey reaches back, and lifts the sling up and over her shoulder, gesturing for him to lean down as she sets it on his, and he slips his arm through as she adjusts it so that their son is secure against his chest. Once Jay is resting solidly in the sling, basking in the warmth from his father, she seizes the opportunity to rub his little cheek with her thumb, then, like her husband before her, she leans down, and presses a kiss to his little forehead, heart melting as he coos in a way that she thinks sounds tinged with joy. 

“He missed you,” she tells him, then she watches Ben’s hand come up to support their son’s back, his massive fingers splaying out over what feels like the majority of the baby’s body. “And so did I.”

“He didn’t miss me,” Ben jokes, watching as their son reaches up for him with his tiny hands, and he offers the boy one of the fingers of his other hand. Both of them chuckle as Jay’s tiny fingers wrap around his father’s, and through the bond, she can feel his heart melt along with hers. “Maybe he did.” Another laugh escapes him. “It’s incredible.”

“What is?”

“Him,” Ben replied, then he looks up at her. “You. I think along with you, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The sentiment is so sweet it almost makes her want to cry for a moment before she blinks furiously. “Ben…”

“I mean it. You both…” He trails off, his breath catching in his throat as he looks down at his son, then at her, a softness to his eyes she’s never going to get tired of seeing. “I never thought I’d have this, or that I deserved it.”

“You do.”

“I—“ He shakes his head, then continues smiling down at Jay, and they both exhale deeply as they watch him stare blankly at them. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I love you, too.”

“And him.”

“Happy birthday, Ben,” she whispers, then she leans an arm, then her head on his shoulder, smiling warmly as his head winds up on top of hers, both of them staring down at the baby as he grips his father’s finger with both hands, happy little noises escaping him as they watch. 

“I interrupted you finding me a present, didn't I?” 

“Mmm, I don’t mind. You look cute when you hold him,” she admits, then she steps back, and looks down at all the piles of clothes. “How’d you get up here without my help anyways? Usually you’re not the best climber.”

Ben snorts. “I think I learned a couple of things watching you,” he mutters, then he walks back into the closet with her, and watches as she begins picking up varying pieces of fabric to assess whether or not they can be used as a cape. “I’m not as bad as you think.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Think you can climb while holding him?” Rey quirks an eyebrow at him as she finds what she’s looking for, an off white cape that’s clearly meant to attach to something underneath his shirt and might be too short, but looks like it’ll do the job. “Or wearing this?”

Her husband blinks, probably more at the color than anything else, then he reaches out to touch the fabric in her hands. “Huh.” His eyes meet hers. “You want to put me in white?”

“I’m curious,” she admits, then she shrugs as she walks around behind him, and drapes it over his shoulders, adjusting it as best she can before deciding it is just going to be a couple of inches too short. “You never wear white and I—“ she laughs nervously. “I’ve always thought you looked a little sexy in a cape.”

“Oh?” Ben chuckles quietly as she comes back around to the front of him, and fastens the cape as best she can beneath the loose, gray fabric of his sweater. “Well, Rey, I didn’t know you cared.”

“I had a baby with you, you arse.”

“And married me.”

“Mmm, sounds like I care,” she replies, then she smooths out the cape over his shoulders, and nods at her work, feeling thoroughly satisfied. “This’ll do nicely.”

“You happy?”

“Very. It’ll look nice when we go back to the Endor system next month to see Rose and Jannah.”

“You’re going to make me look like a bride when we travel, aren't you?”

“No, but you’d look cute in your grandmother’s veil,” she teases, then she wraps her arms around his neck, unable to stop herself from exposing how gone for him she is as their eyes meet. A happy sigh escapes her lips as she tangles her hands in his hair, then pulls him down to her so that his forehead is touching hers. “Happy birthday.”

“You said that already.”

“I had to say it for him, too,” she reminds him, eyes focused on the baby currently attempting to put Ben’s finger in his mouth. “He can’t talk yet.”

“I wonder when he’ll start.”

Rey shrugs. “Don’t know, Leia told me you started talking at six and a half months, so… he could be talking when we visit our friends.”

“What do you think his first word will be?”

“Definitely mama.”

The corners of Ben’s mouth twitch. “Maybe, especially if you keep taking him here while I’m sleeping.”

“Ah, you’ve foiled my evil plans,” she replies, then she sighs contentedly. “Let’s grab a few of those pillows and get out of here, I wanted to get you something at the bakery in town before noon hit.”

“We’d better get going, then,” he says, then he pulls his finger free of his son’s grasp, and rests that hand against his wife’s cheek. “The way down tends to be longer than the way up.”

Rey scoffs. “For you, maybe.”

“I’ll get the hang of it eventually.”

Another contented hum leaves her, then she leans forward. “I know you will,” she whispers, before she pulls him into another kiss, feeling a wave of satisfaction wash over her at the tiny, shocked hum he gives her in response as one of his arms wraps around her waist, and pulls her in as close as he can without crushing the baby resting between them. 

His lips fit perfectly with hers, they always have, ever since the very first time they kissed, and somehow it amazes her how nice it still feels even after all these kisses. Both of them feel joy rushing through their veins through the bond, and she can feel both of their hearts beating, the beat growing faster with every brush of their lips as they kiss as chastely but passionately as they can while being aware of the tiny spark of life that is Jay resting between them. 

Rey’s hand combs through the waves of his hair, both soothing him and delighting herself as they both deepen the kiss. Her husband grins against her mouth as he leans her head back, and she feels his tongue press into the space between them, trying to gain access to her mouth, but she can’t grant him that. Their son may be too young to understand what’s happening but she still feels filthy engaging in any sort of sensual activity while he’s around. 

It makes her laugh as she pulls away, but never stops stroking his hair. “We should get going. If we don’t get this one back by noon he’ll be very cranky that we didn’t let him nap.”

“You make a good point, but if it’s all right with you I’d like to get back to this later.”

“We can ask Finn and Poe to watch him. They live right next door,” she reminds him, then she shrugs. “We don’t just have to kiss all night—“

“But it feels nice.”

“So do other things.”

“That’s true.”

“And it is your birthday.”

“That’s also true.”

Rey grins, then she presses one last kiss to her husband’s lips before she peers down at her son, now barely able to keep his eyes open as his head lilts against his father’s chest. “Do you want to carry him out of here, or should I?”

He looks down, his brow furrowing as he thinks on it for a second, then wraps both arms beneath his son’s now sleeping form, and nods slowly. “I can hold him. I need to learn how to carry him while climbing anyway if we’re going to keep coming back here.”

Her face softens as she realizes what that means. “You want to come with me?” she asks. 

“Yeah, if it’s all right with you.”

Practically beaming at him, she gives him a nod. “It’s more than okay,” she assures him, then she takes his hand, and begins guiding him out of the closet, through the captain’s quarters, and back into the hallway. “Then let’s get out of here. Just follow my lead and support his head when you jump. I’ll take him if it gets too difficult.”

“I’ve got this,” he tells her, then she squeezes his hand, presses another kiss to their son’s head, and together, they make their way from the dead starship, moving feet first into the adventure of a new day. 

At least, they do once they can cease stopping every five minutes to kiss either their son or each other, then the day picks up, and Rey, Ben, Jay, their new white cape, and stolen pillows rush forth from the ship, and head into town to celebrate the first birthday they’ve had since they became a family. 


	2. First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey eagerly anticipate the moment their son will speak his first word, but the time comes when they least expect it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I hate babies  
> also me: BUT BEN SOLO WOULD BE SO SOFT WITH A BABY  
> so we have this.

**Two months later**

It’s warm when Ben wakes, the sunlight streaming through the window over his and Rey’s bedroom through a tiny slit in the blinds. Luckily, it isn’t shining down into his eyes, so he isn’t blinded, and instead, he’s allowed a glimpse of something else. 

Beside him, his wife is still sound asleep, her hand outstretched toward him but resting over the chest of their baby as he too sleeps on through what’s already turning out to be a beautiful morning. A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he watches the sunlight shine off of their faces, and he props his head upon his elbow just to watch them for a minute, taking stock of how lucky he is. 

This is everything he never knew he wanted. He hadn’t ever thought about being married and having a child, but with how deep the bond between him, Rey—and now their son—runs, he isn’t surprised that it happened this way. It delights him, it truly does, but he’s also still in a state of disbelief that this happened to him. 

Most of his life was spent being haunted by voices in his head, being manipulated and tormented into doing things he hated but felt like he had no other choice. He’d fallen so far, he hadn’t ever thought it would be possible for him to have anything good. 

Looking at the two most important people in his life now, he’s slowly starting to understand that sometimes, once in a blue moon, amazing things can happen. 

Breathing in deeply, he reaches out in the force, skimming over the surface of their minds as tenderly as he possibly can to make sure nothing is trying to come after his family the way Snoke and Palpatine had come after him. He only exhales when he senses no exterior threat, just the peace that comes with the sensation of being asleep. His wife and son are safe, and that allows him to breathe a little easier. 

With his other hand, he reaches over, and rests it gently over Rey’s, feeling his son’s chest rise and fall with every breath he takes beneath the warmth of his wife’s hand. Of course, the gesture accidentally jolts her from sleep, and before he knows it, her eyes are fluttering open, blinking against the sunlight as she turns her face away, and buries it into the pillow, groaning as she squeezes his hand. 

“Good morning,” he says with a laugh, earning another groan from his wife as she turns half her face back toward him, lips quirking into a smile as her thumb rubs over the back of his knuckles. 

“Good morning,” she replies. “Kriffing sunlight.”

He laughs as he lets go of her hand to caress her cheek, his forearm blocking the light from her eyes as he brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Better?”

“Much, thank you.”

Smiling down at her, Ben then turns his gaze to Jay, the only one of their little trio who is still sound asleep, and he shakes his head. “I wonder what he dreams about.”

Rey hums her acknowledgement, but otherwise remains silent as she, too props her head upon her elbow, and looks down at their son, watching as he sleeps on through the whole conversation, oblivious to the world around him. Both of them are captivated by him, lost just in the way their infant  _ breathes  _ in his sleep, and his father continues pondering what it is he sees in dreams. 

Does jay dream of them? Of his parents? Does he see their smiling faces? Are his dreams happy? Ben’s never known a time where all his dreams are a joy to experience, he’s only known misery and the pain he’s experienced being haunted by the various beings in the dark side of the force. Has his son ever had a bad dream like that? Or is he lucky, and all of his dreams are of him and Rey showing their infant how much they love him? 

His breath leaves him in a rush of disbelief. “I wish he could tell us.”

Rey rests a hand on his arm, her eyes equally captivated by the baby sleeping between them as she smiles. “Maybe soon he will.”

“Rey—“

“He’s seven and a half months old, Ben, it could be any day now,” she whispers, then she laughs to herself. “I know he won’t be holding a conversation, but I keep dreaming about him saying your name. Or mine.” 

“You still think his first word will be ‘mama?’” Ben asks, quirking an eyebrow at his wife. 

She slides her hand up to ruffle his hair before she rests it against their son’s side. “I don’t know. What do you think it’ll be?”

Breath catching in his throat, Ben brushes aside one of the raven curls on the baby’s head, and leans down to kiss it, feeling warmth and light through the touch as he thinks over every possibility for the first word he’ll hear from him. Eventually, he shakes his head, pulling back so that he can see Rey again. “I don’t know, but I’m probably going to cry either way.”

Before she can say anything in response, the baby yawns between them, and their attention is captured by their son coming into wakefulness. They both hold their breath as they watch his eyes slowly blink open, his arms stretching so that they nearly strike the faces of both of his parents, but it makes them laugh instead. 

It’s true what his father had once told him about how he’d been as a baby, he’s utterly enraptured by everything his son does. Every little movement is some kind of magic, and as he reaches for Ben’s hand, his heart skips a beat in his chest, doing so again when he gives him one of his fingers, and he clings to it tightly like he’s afraid of what will happen when he lets go. 

As long as he lives, on a metaphorical level at least, Ben is never, ever letting go. He is always going to be there for this tiny human being, no matter what he needs. This wasn’t something he’d ever thought he’d wanted, but now it’s all he needs. He just needs the two of them—nothing else in the whole galaxy matters. 

“Good morning to you, too,” he whispers, then he kisses Jay’s little head again. “Sleepyhead.”

Rey chuckles, then she takes her turn in kissing their son, her lips pressing ever so gently into the tangle of dark curls on his head. “ _ Hi, _ ” she says, her voice melodic as if it’s a song she’s singing, then she reaches up to tickle his chest with one finger. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

The baby just coos in response, gripping his father’s finger as he looks up at him with eyes so hazel they cannot belong to anyone but his mother. Now that Jay is awake, he can really see how much he’s a perfect combination of them both. He doesn’t particularly take after either of them too strongly, but he definitely has his father’s hair. Rey certainly didn’t give him those dark waves. He’s starting to suspect he has Rey’s nose and his lips, too, but he’ll have to see how those fill out as he grows older. 

Ben is utterly captivated regardless, and as he presses his thumb over Jay’s fingers, he feels now more than ever that this was always meant to be. 

“I think I might cancel on Finn and Poe today,” Rey muses, shaking her head as she looks down at her son. “I know I told them I’d help with wedding planning, but I don’t want to leave him.”

Laughing quietly, Ben’s gaze flickers to his wife, watching as she runs the back of her fingers over their son’s little cheeks. “They really do need help. Poe is losing his mind more and more by the day, and Finn—“

“Can’t plan a wedding for shit?” Rey asks, then they both snicker to themselves before she sits up, and sighs. “Yeah, you’re right, but he… he could say his first word any minute now, and I just—I don’t want to miss it.”

Resting a hand on Rey’s cheek, he tilts her head up, forcing her to look him in the eyes as he sends waves of assurance over their bond. “I’ll com you the second he starts blabbering if it happens. You won’t miss it.” He then leans forward, pressing a kiss to the tip of his wife’s nose as he fights back a grin. “We can’t stop living our lives waiting for something that’ll last two seconds.”

“You’re right, but I hate that you are.”

Grinning openly now, Ben kisses her lips, keeping it short and sweet even though his son has absolutely no idea what’s going on. He only gained object permanence a few months ago, after all. He’s completely, utterly clueless, and if he remembers anything of what his parents had once told him in his youth, he’s going to miss this one day, because once Jay is able to walk he’s going to interrupt all kinds of intimate moments. “I know.” Another kiss. “Go get ready, when you get back, I’ll have dinner on the table and a very needy baby in my arms.”

“You think he’ll miss me?”

“He always misses you,” Ben replies, then he looks down at his son, wiggling the finger in his grasp as the boy giggles. “Right, Jay? You miss your mom?”

All he gets in response is another delighted squeal, then the baby lets go of his hand, reaching up for his mother instead as she gets up, and finally crawls off of the mattress. “Maybe he does,” she muses, then she leans down over her husband, and kisses his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he replies, smiling as he says it. They’ve told each other those three words a million times now, but it never gets old. Still, he’s always thrown back to the first time he said it, just after they’d finished off the last of the First Order, and they were on the ride home. They’d sat side by side in the Falcon’s cockpit, Chewie dozing off in the background as they drifted on through hyperspace, and he had looked over at her face, watching the awe growing there as blue light flickered over her skin. 

Somehow, at that moment, he’d known without a shadow of a doubt that this was it, the time had come to tell her what she already knew, but needed to have put into words. As the ship flew on through the endless expanse of space, he reached over, and put his hand over hers, capturing her attention as he finally said, “I love you,” for the first time, watching her face light up again as she returned the gesture, the memory always ending in the kiss that Chewie had broken up with a disgruntled cry. 

Now he’s smiling as he watches her walk over to their wardrobe, and pull out her clothes for the day. This time, she’s chosen a gray tunic and a black fabric for the overlay, pairing it with pants of a similar color. It vaguely reminds him of when she’d tried to rescue him on the Supremacy, making him think back to that first time they’d really connected with each other. 

That had been both one of the best and worst days of his life. He’d had her and lost her all in the same twenty-four hours, but that doesn’t matter now. Looking back at Jay, he scoops him into his arms, and holds the baby to his chest as he lies back, and watches his wife as she begins to undress. 

“I can see you staring.”

“Okay.”

“There’s a baby on your chest.”

“There is.”

“It’s your son, Ben.”

Blinking for a couple of seconds, Ben lifts his son from his chest, turns him around in his arms, then pulls him back down so that he’s now facing the wall before smirking at his wife as if to say,  _ your move _ . “Better?”

Rey rolls her eyes, and turns around, offering him only a view of her back as she removes the shirt she’d slept in the night before, her back muscles rippling with the effort as she then flings it behind her. The force hums around him, then the shirt lands on his face.  _ Your move _ , she seems to say, and Ben can’t help but laugh as he removes the shirt, then looks down at his son where he lays on his chest, watching as he puts his thumb in his mouth, incoherent noises that definitely aren’t words leaving his mouth. 

He’s vocal even if he’s not technically speaking, he realizes. His son knows how to use his voice, but he hasn’t quite figured out how to form words yet. They’d been hoping that he’d figure it out while they were visiting Rose and Jannah, but he hadn’t quite managed it then. They’ve been trying desperately to get him to say “mama,” or “dada,” ever since. Ben thinks his first word will probably be a call for his mother. Rey thinks the opposite. 

Poe has a running bet on who he thinks will win, and apparently, his fiance shares the opposite view, but neither of them will tell him or his wife who they’re betting on. All he knows is they’re watching with just as much anticipation as the nervous parents are, four people waiting with held breath to find out what will be the first word his tiny little human ever speaks. 

They’re going to find out soon, either way. He can sometimes sense in the connection the three of them share that he’s going to be saying something probably within days. Ben doesn’t know what that will be, but he knows one thing; he can’t wait to find out.

*

Hours later after Rey is gone, Ben is alone with Jay slaving over their stove. Well, not really. He’s just making a stew, so it’s more like he’s just watching a pot and waiting for it to boil, but still, he feels more productive than he ought to for such a thing.

Maybe it’s because he’s given his infant a copy of his father’s old dice to play with, and he’s quite entertained by every little thing he does, but it feels like the time passes fairly quickly. At least, it passes effortlessly, and soon he’s playing with him, pretending his hand is a ship as he wraps the dice around his wrist, and flies it around in the air while mimicking engine noises that make his son whoop in delight. 

Sometimes he even picks up Jay, and holds him over his head as if  _ he  _ is the one who’s flying. He’s delicate with him, holding him carefully so as not to harm him, but he can tell the baby is having the time of his life. That’s one thing he can relate to right now, because this? Playing with his son and running around the house like a fool? This is paradise. 

Eventually, he has to stop running around the house to stir the vegetables, but luckily that manages to be fun for Jay, too. His son simply begins toying with the strands of his hair, tugging gently as he babbles incoherently.

This, of course, becomes slightly less fun when Ben sets down the spoon he’s using to stir the food, and his son immediately decides now is a perfect time to tug hard enough for it to hurt. 

“Ow!” he cries, pulling back from his son as he looks down at him in surprise, holding him away from his body with both hands. “Jay, we can’t tug on people’s hair. It hurts them.”

All he gets in response is more babbling, and it’s so endearing that Ben can’t bother to be mad at him. If he’s being honest, he never even considered being mad. Every second he has with this baby, even the bad ones, is a gift he knows he can never take for granted. It’s a miracle that he has this life, that he’s got Rey, Jay, and their friends, but he’s not so sure it’s a miracle that he’s going to go bald by forty if he doesn’t stop getting his hair yanked out of his damn scalp.

The little pout Jay is giving him right now makes him a bit more sympathetic, though. He is only seven and a half months old, he’s not going to know better for quite some time. Ben’s just going to have to get used to getting his hair pulled, or tie it back like his wife does. 

“What are we going to do with you?” he asks quietly, bringing his son back so that he’s resting on his chest again, his fingers burrowing instead into the fabric of Ben’s sweater. “Hmm?”

Jay’s head rests casually on his shoulder, his whole body so relaxed he almost even feels like he’s anchored against his father’s body. Through the force, he can sense his son’s contentment as he holds him tight, almost as if he’s learned how to embrace. As far as Ben knows, the infant has only figured out how to hold his finger, but he’s starting to suspect that his son has figured out how to show affection, how to show love, as he watches. 

It makes him wonder when he did the same thing for the first time. When was the first time he hugged his father? His mother? A dark thought makes him ponder when the last time either of those things happened was. It’s a thought he has to shake off, ignoring it in favor of knowing he’ll be able to at least remember all of these things with the baby he holds in his arms now. He’s going to get the chance to know what that feels like, and hopefully, if he does this right, he’ll be able to know his son as an adult, to still have that affectionate relationship with him long after he’s a man. 

He hopes that’ll be the way of it, at least. He wants to do better with his son the way he knows his father wishes he’d done with him. 

Han had loved him, he knows that, and he knows that in the end, his father knew he loved him, too, but the ending of that particular story still stings, still makes him ache inside, and he knows he’s going to fight to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen with Jay. 

“We’re going to be okay,” he whispers as he leads him back through their living room, stepping out onto the deck overlooking the valley, the jungle beyond their home still a lush green in spite of the planet’s slow turn to fall. He looks down at his son, pleased to see that the infant appears to be staring out at their surroundings, watching the sun as it begins to paint the clouds the orange and pink of a sunset. “Yeah? We’re going to be okay.”

His son stirs in his arms, and he laughs, prepared to say something else, but then he hears it, accompanied by the sound of a door opening, and he nearly falls to the floor. 

“Dada…” Jay says sleepily, and it takes a second for the emotional weight of what’s just happened to hit Ben it’s so big, but eventually, it does. 

“What?” he asks, his voice breaking, knowing he heard him for a fact but still barely able to believe it all the same. This can’t be real. This has to be a dream, a really good dream, but not a perfect one because Rey isn’t here, and—oh, force, where is Rey—but it is also perfect at the same time. 

He pulls his son back from his chest, adjusting him so that he can now look at his face as tears spring to his eyes, and he has to blink them away so he can see as it happens again. “Da… da…” Jay says, more slowly this time, and Ben’s entire body is overcome with joy, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to process this, because he has somehow become so important to this tiny creature that his first word was his name—well, his title, but still—the thing he knows him as. 

Soft little sobs of pure joy rock Ben’s chest as he leans down, and presses his forehead to Jay’s. “Yeah,” he whispers, still trying not to cry, letting his son’s tiny little giggles fill his ears. “That’s me.” 

Sniffling, he turns around, realizing that in all the commotion, he’d heard that tell-tale sound of a door opening, and he clutches their son a little more tightly to his chest as he turns back to face their house, and sees her standing there waiting for him with her hand over her mouth and mist in her eyes. Slowly, she lowers that hand. “Did he…?”

Ben nods, glancing down at his son as his eyelids start to droop. “Yeah, he did. He said ‘dada,” he replies, walking closer to where his wife now stands. “You were right.”

She laughs, reaching forth to place her hand over Ben’s as she looks into his eyes. “Yeah, I was.” Then she leans down to kiss their son’s little head, lips barely brushing over his skin before she stands up straight, and takes his face in her hands, wiping the tears from his cheeks as she leans in, and presses her lips to his. 

It’s another very short, but very sweet kiss. For a couple of seconds, their lips part and come together in a greeting, a tiny, wordless, emotional conversation where they can both feel everything the other is feeling. Through Rey, he can sense delight and love, a whole realm of emotions that make him feel as if the sun is shining down upon his face even though it’s behind a cloud right now. 

As she pulls away, he knows she can sense the same coming from him, and both of them giggle as they look down at the baby in his arms, watching him as they sense him falling asleep. “You think he knows we love him?” Ben asks, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her close as he sways them side to side. 

“He knows,” Rey replies, then she leans forward, kissing her husband on the cheek as she rests one hand on his shoulder, and the other beneath her son’s head. “He has to know. Maybe he doesn’t understand it yet, but he knows.”

Ben laughs softly, blinking the last of his tears from his eyes as he pulls back just enough to look at her. “When did you get home?”

“A minute ago, they told me they could finish up without me.” She begins gently stroking his hair with the hand that’s wrapped around the back of his neck. “I got this feeling twenty minutes ago as if I really need to be back here, and… Well, now Poe owes Finn money.”

“So that’s how the bet went,” he mumbles, then he looks down at their son. “I want to see if we can get him to say ‘mama’ before nightfall.”

Snorting her amusement, Rey kisses him again, then she rests his forehead against hers. “Mmm, maybe later, I want to eat, I’m starving.” 

“You always are,” he replies, then he leans forward for another kiss, lips barely ghosting over hers as he sighs. “Come on, it’s almost ready, we should probably get in before it gets too cold.”

Rey grins as she pulls back, taking hold of his arm as she allows him to lead her inside, their baby sleeping soundly in his arms as all the words he will ever say begin to take root in his head. 

Starting with his second word, the one he knows deep down Rey wants to hear the most, and he knows as he takes his family inside, that she’ll be hearing it soon enough. She’s always had a talent for two things, fixing broken things, and waiting, and right now, that second talent is about to come in handy. 

The only mystery left is how long that wait is going to take. 


	3. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year before Rey climbs the wreckage of an old star destroyer, she and Ben learn they’re going to be a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so far beyond the realm of what I usually write or am comfortable with writing or even reading, but I figured since I had full control over it, it felt okay, so I did this mostly based on a conversation with my pineapple fic coauthors 💖🍍 this one’s (kinda) dedicated to them.

**A little more than a year earlier…**

Rey is pregnant _.  _ She hasn’t been to a doctor or anything, there hasn’t been a formal test issued to declare that, no, her uterus won’t be disappointed this month, but she knows. 

Something about being able to sense life in the force has given her a bit of an advantage over whatever doctors are many thousands of light years or miles away, but right now, she wishes she didn’t have that ability. It’s the middle of the night, she and Ben have settled down to sleep—and her husband, lucky bastard, has managed to do so—and she was just turning from one side to the other, thinking about how off she’s felt lately when out of nowhere she felt a little ripple of life in the force. 

That had been only five minutes ago, and she has been staring wide-eyed at the ceiling ever since, attempting to control her breathing. This is, quite possibly, the most shocked she has ever been. She’s so still she’s pretty sure she’ll become a statue by morning, and to say the least, the last jedi is petrified. 

A tiny water droplet falls onto her cheek, and she realizes she’s not only scared, but crying. She is starting to cry, tears welling in both eyes as her arms wrap around her waist as if she’s embracing herself, and she fights back the urge to sniffle. 

There is no reason she should be crying. The war is over. She and Ben have been together for a few years now and married for a little more than two of them. They are safe in a fairly sizable home on a planet that is lush with green, and far away from the sands and the heat she’s grown up with. Her life is in the perfect position for this to happen, but she’s never given it any thought. 

Rey’s childhood had been a dark, scary thing full of abandonment, fear, and constant shouting. Her parents had left her young, died before they could attempt to reclaim her, and effectively left her for dead under Unkar Plutt’s watchful eye. How can someone who grew up like she did ever have a child? She’s never had any role models, never considered this would be a possibility for herself, and yet…

Her palm splays out over her abdomen, still perfectly flat and muscular, but she can feel the first tiny threads of her child’s life all the same.  _ Holy shit.  _ This is possible, this is happening, and she doesn’t know what to think, her head is still spinning. Her first reaction when she gets scared tends to be to freeze or run away and ignore the problem until she can’t anymore, but right now the problem is inside of her. 

And it weirdly doesn’t feel like a problem, just a big, enormous shock. It’s real, she knows it’s real, and that is, if she’s being honest, the scariest thing she can possibly imagine. She’s scared out of her mind, but she isn’t the only one who’s affected by this. Ben is too. 

_ Shit.  _ She’s going to have to tell him. But what will he say? Is he going to want this? Is he going to be as scared as she is? 

Normally, they are each others’ rock. She comes to him when she’s scared, and he does the same with her. He’s only just fallen asleep, but she thinks he’ll understand, even if she maybe isn’t ready to tell him just yet. That might wait a minute, but for now, she needs someone to hold her, she needs those warm, sturdy arms to pull her in against his chest and let her fall asleep to the sound of his beating heart. 

Swallowing nervously, Rey turns over, and nudges her husband’s arm gently. “Ben?”  _ Force _ , she needs to get it together, her voice sounds weak, timid, as if she’s going to faint at any second and she hates it. Shaking him again, she whispers his name a second time, and feels him slowly start to come into awareness. 

There’s a brief pause as she realizes that once he’s awake, he might sense the same little life signs that she can feel fluttering about within her, and a fresh wave of fear washes over her. The tiny life, however, gets excited—well, not exactly, it more just feels like a fresh spark of energy ignited briefly in the force—as he wakes up. It occurs to her that maybe in spite of barely existing, their baby already recognizes its father, and her heart beats a little faster at that. 

Two parents. Their child is going to have two parents, something she always wanted but never had, and a brief tinge of bittersweet joy fills her amidst the fear as she realizes that once she musters up the courage to tell Ben, she might get to experience something she never thought she’d have. 

“Rey?” he whispers quietly, and she finally lets loose that sniffle she’s been holding back as his arms wrap around her. She knows he hasn’t opened his eyes yet, she can feel it, but he’s already holding her tight anyway. “What’s going on?”

She sniffles again as he cups her cheek with one of his massive palms, his thumb brushing away a tear as it spills from her eye. “Nothing.”

His chest sinks beneath her as he pulls her onto it, his arms tightening around her ever so slightly as she twines one of her legs around his, and they become tangled up in one another. “It’s not nothing. You’re crying.” A tiny kiss is pressed to the crown of her head. “What is it?”

How does she answer that question? She doesn’t even know where to begin. It’s technically as simple as two words, but she’s still wrapping her head around them and the idea of their meaning that she needs a little more time to sort herself out. Sniffling again, she grabs hold of his shirt, balling it into her fist as she breathes him in, and feels her heart rate start to go back to normal. 

_ Safe.  _ She’s safe again, the fear has passed for now, and she’s breathing steadily as Ben’s fingers move down to her back and start rubbing slow, lazy circles into the ridges of her spine. “I just wanted you to hold me.” It’s not a lie, technically. She did just want to be held. All she’s not telling him is why. 

“Oh, okay,” he replies, then he pulls her on top of him all the way so that his body heat is warming her like a furnace. “I can do that.”

A small giggle leaves her, causing one to rumble through his chest as well as he presses more kisses to her head, then he sighs. Curiosity trickles in through the force, and she feels dread settle in the pit of her stomach. 

“Was it a bad dream?” 

_ Oh.  _ “No,” she replies, closing her eyes as she begins to feel more relaxed. “I haven’t slept yet.”

He hums softly as his other hand comes up to stroke her hair, moving in tandem with the one that’s gently sweeping over her back, and her entire body goes limp on top of him. The whole embrace has her feeling so at ease, so serene and peaceful, that for a few seconds, she completely forgets the mind-bending revelation she’s just had.

Then she feels what she can only describe as glee from the newest member of their family, and she remembers it all over again, but this time she’s calm, and it doesn’t trigger her fight or flight response. 

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hey.” He leans his head forward, and she turns hers up to look at him in the dim light. “You can tell me. You know that by now, right?”

“I know,” she replies, then she sniffles, letting a few more tears she hadn’t even noticed forming fall onto his shirt. “I’m not—not now. Not now.”

“Okay,” he replies, then he places a kiss on her temple, causing her eyes to close again as she feels newfound bliss wash over the bond. Ben doesn’t even know what’s troubling her yet and already he’s sending her waves of positive emotions to try and make her feel better. He isn’t trying to get into her space and force it out of her. He’s waiting, he’s patient, and she falls for him a little harder for that. 

_ You’re going to be a great dad,  _ she thinks, feeling further at ease with the situation as Ben’s hands abruptly stop their motions, and he freezes. She realizes a second too late that she accidentally sent that thought into the bond, and her heart starts pounding anew as she awaits his reaction. 

There’s tiny hints of emotions everywhere in their connection. Curiosity, disbelief, shock, and somewhere in there an unfathomable joy rush through the bond, and she feels Ben’s heart pick up its pace as his hands slowly come up to caress her cheeks, his eyebrows furrowing as he looks at her in concern. “...R-Rey?” he asks, his voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. 

“I didn’t mean to send you that.”

“What?”

“I was trying to keep that thought to myself, but you made me feel so relaxed, I just—“

“Let it out?”

“Yeah.”

A tiny smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, then his breath hitches. “You… do you want us to start a family?”

_ Oh,  _ so he somehow missed the true meaning of that thought. Ben thinks that she just wants to  _ start  _ working on a baby, he doesn’t know— _ oh Kriff.  _ Is she ready to tell him this? She could play it coy for a few more days, buy herself sometime to come up with a more clever way of telling him, but she still feels comforted by his touch, she still feels calm, and in the dim light of their bedroom, something about telling him right here and now feels… almost perfect. 

_ What the hell? _

“No,” she replies, then she takes hold of one of his hands, grasping it in hers as his other one continues making circles on her back. “I’m—“ She’s shaking now, his hand rubbing her back a little harder as he gets the impression that she is cold, but she can do this. She has to. Taking in a deep breath, Rey summons forth the strength she usually reserves for walking into battle, and sighs. “Ben, I’m pregnant.”

He stops breathing. Well, to be precise, he takes in a very sharp breath, and holds it, but for a few seconds, his chest fails to rise and fall as the same shock that had taken her hostage a minute ago now claims him as its own. It’s like looking into a mirror watching his reaction, and she almost laughs as he blinks at her disbelievingly, and slowly processes what she’s just told him. “What?”

“We’re—I don’t know, I guess we’re—“ She sniffles again, but this time she’s fighting back a smile. “We’re having a baby.”

“You’re serious?” he asks, his eyes searching hers in the dark as his thumb brushes over the back of her hand, against the cool metal of her wedding ring as she hears him sniffle, too. 

“I am.”

“Oh gods, Rey,” he breathes, then he lets go of her hand, and pulls her into a warm embrace, his lips leaving kisses all over the sides of her head as pure elation fills the connection, and she realizes he wants this. He’s perfectly happy with this, and their child, whoever they turn out to be, is going to grow up with two parents who love them. 

She will kill anyone who tries to take that away from them. No hesitation. 

Joyous laughter falls from her lips as her husband rolls them over so that she is beneath him how, but that laughter is soon silenced as he kisses her. It’s sloppy and kind of messy because neither of them can stop smiling, but it makes her feel dizzy and free the way that kissing him always does nonetheless. The kisses are slow, sweet, lazy with drowsiness, but she gets lost in them, lost in him, and in all the possibilities the future has just blown wide open for them.

His hand drifts down slowly, moving from her face down to her abdomen as he reaches out for their connection in the force, and his palm spreads out over her stomach. Another fresh wave of something unspeakably happy comes through the bond as their baby senses them both, and as the kiss begins to calm down a little, Rey feels as if she’s dreaming, but all of this is impossibly real. Her husband’s hand is warm against her skin through her pajama top, and she warms at the thought that the three of them are connected for the first time. 

It’s nothing like any kiss they’ve ever shared before, but it’s already her favorite. Nothing has ever made her feel like this before. Her heart is beating a little fast, but so is his, and they’re both so giddy she feels like she did the day they’d finally beaten the last of the first order and ended the war. 

That had been the day they’d first said, ‘I love you,’ and life has only been uphill since. 

Her hands tangle themselves in her husband’s hair as he laughs against her lips, pulling away from the kiss to breathe as his forehead rests against hers, and they both breathe heavily. She can feel his dimples as her thumb brushes over his cheeks, his wide smile making her heart melt a little as he says it again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Then she takes in a deep, shaky breath. “So you want to do this?”

“Yes,” he says, his voice practically a whisper. “I’d do anything with you, you know.”

“I know.”

Another grin parts her lips, then she’s kissing him again, both of them rolling lazily onto their sides as they slowly waste the rest of their excited energy on sweet, gentle kisses. Every brush of their lips is accompanied by soft little giggles, and though her face is starting to hurt, she can’t stop smiling. 

He wants this. He really wants this. He’d do anything with her, and while she’s known this for some time, it’s still refreshing to see. 

“We’ll have to come up with names,” Ben says between kisses, his hand still resting casually against her abdomen. “You know Chewie will want us to name it after him.”

A kriffing snort leaves her as she kisses him again. “So will Lando.”

“They’ll have to fight for it.”

“What if it’s a girl?”

“Chewie will probably argue that it’s also a girl’s name,” he says, causing his wife to all but sob with laughter as she leans her forehead against his. “But…” His voice falls soft, his fingers tracing more gentle circles through the fabric of her shirt as he sighs. “If it’s a girl—“

“You’d want to name her after your mother?” Rey asks, picking up on the trail of his thoughts in the bond.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I like that.”

“Yeah?”

“I do, but if it’s not a girl, I want to come up with a better name than Lando or Chewie.” 

Snickering quietly, Ben nods as he leans in to kiss her again. “Fair enough.” 

“But whatever they’re called I’m sure we’ll love them, right?” she asks, thinking again of her own childhood and how she’d effectively been abandoned on Jakku. “I don’t ever want them to suffer the way I did.”

Her eyes fall downcast, but then his hand comes up to grab hold of hers, and he sighs as she looks back up at his. “Rey, as long as I’m breathing, I will never leave you, either of you. Hell, even if I die, I’ll find some way to make it work.” Swallowing back nerves, he brings their joined hands to his lips, and kisses her knuckles. “I won’t let what happened to you happen to our family.”

As fresh, new tears well in her eyes, she sniffles again, then she’s kissing him, a tiny, brief brush of her lips against his before he’s wiping away the new tears with the pad of his oversized thumb. “I know, I’m just—“  _ sniffle “— _ I’m just scared.”

“Me too,” he replies, his thumb stroking her cheek again ever so gently. “We’ll be okay.”

“We will,” she says, finally believing it as he moves in to kiss her again, and they start to wind down, tiny little whispers, giggles filling the space between them as they eventually fall into sleep, knowing when they wake they will be ready to face whatever comes next—however impossible it might be. 

  
  
  
  



	4. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after their son is born, Ben goes and picks Rey flowers.
> 
> Or that time Finn and Poe got to babysit while a love struck dumbass made a bouquet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woefully unedited in part because I’m still uncomfortable with the subject matter, but this wouldn’t leave me alone, and I wanted this one shot series to have even parts Rey’s pov and Ben’s so 😂✌️ Also Ben picking flowers 🌸🌹🌷🌺

It doesn’t feel real. Well, it does. It feels a little  _ too  _ real, but he still can’t believe it happened and it’s not a dream. Yet there the evidence sits, right in front of him in the form of the two beings wrapped in his arms. 

To be precise, it’s his wife and the baby that had just come into the galaxy that afternoon in his arms, both sound asleep but looking so incredibly peaceful. His heart is full, his entire body aches, but it’s the best sort of pain he’s ever felt in his life. 

And most certainly nothing on what Rey had gone through earlier. He’s still not sure his right hand will ever work right, though—even if she had healed it after. He’d heard the bone break, but it isn’t a big deal. It’s not the worst injury she’s given him.

A small laugh escapes him as he thinks of the scar his wife had given him when they’d first met. That mark is long gone now, healed when she’d brought him back from the edge of death, but he remembers it in his soul. Back then, he’d never imagined that he’d get to do this with anyone, especially not her. Yet somehow they’ve wound up with rings on their fingers and a new life between them that already has a shocking head of dark hair. 

Some dark part of him feels like he doesn’t deserve it, but she’s told him time and time again in the near three years they’ve been married that yes, he does. He pictures her voice now as he lays his palm over their infant’s back, listening to one of many memories where she’s told him she wouldn’t want this with anyone else, and he relaxes. 

This is his life now, and he wouldn’t change it for the world, even if he is shit scared of what lays ahead. 

He is now responsible for a person. A real person. He’s got to teach this person how to talk, walk, and a bunch of other stuff he hasn’t even thought of yet. Rey will be by his side through it all, but the only person who could really teach him anything about being a father is gone, and that’s his fault.  _ It’s you and me, kid,  _ he hears his father’s voice say, and tears spring to his already sore eyes—he’s spent most of this day crying already—as he sniffles, forcing himself to keep quiet as he doesn’t want to disturb his wife or their son, Jay. 

Rey looks peaceful, and so he focuses on that, on the shape of her face, her lips slightly parted as air passes between them. Her eyes are closed in that heavy-lidded way that always occurs when she’s bone-tired and likely fell asleep the moment she hit the pillow. Still, he finds her beautiful, his eyes getting lost in the sea of freckles that dot her cheeks and the loose, wavy hair that frames her face. 

A part of him wants to brush a strand behind her ear, but he doesn’t want to wake her up, he just wants to give her everything he can after what she’s just given them both. There’s no way he can ever make up for it, but he wants to try, and this is the least he can do. 

Their baby stirs between them, whimpering lightly as his head turns toward his dad, and Ben soon finds himself looking into his son’s eyes as his heart stops for the unknown-th time that day. It’s as if his son can see into his soul, his eyes already so wise, so old and all-knowing even though he’s barely half a day old. 

Another noise escapes the newborn, and though Rey hasn’t woken yet, he finds he’ll do anything to keep her from doing so. With that in mind, he slowly removes his arm out from under her head, laying her down gently on the pillow beneath as he then presses a kiss to her forehead, and scoops their baby up into his arms, rolling gently off the bed before he stands up, and looks back down at his wife to be sure she’s still asleep. All that does, though, is make his heart flutter a little. 

“I’ll be back soon,” he whispers, grabbing a little blanket off of a nearby chair as he makes his way from the room, swaddling his son in it as best he can as he makes his way to the front of the house, walking outside onto the pathway leading up to it as he stares out at the moonlit sky. 

Everything is bathed in a soft, silvery light, little bugs lighting up the ground and the trees as they dance merrily in the leaves and the branches and the bright petals of the flowers that surround them. Some of them are yellow, others purple, and a few are blue, but they are all beautiful. They’re Rey’s favorite part of this planet, actually, and when they’d first moved in she’d decorated the house with them. She’s continued to do so ever since, only falling flat when it became difficult for her to bend over to pick them. He’d tried to pick up the slack, but it wasn’t the same. 

It makes him think, though, that maybe he should try again. 

He doesn’t want to leave his baby alone, though while he plucks the flowers, and he wants to have both hands so he can give her as many as possible, but… His gaze falls on the house next door, and suddenly, an idea pops into his brain. 

Finn and Poe moved into the home right by himself and Rey—both houses are sat upon a hillside in a jungle—shortly after they’d arrived, the two couples frequenting each other’s company as the years began to pass. With how much things have changed, the two men would do anything for Ben if he asked, and he knows they’ve been dying to meet the baby in his arms. 

Earlier, they had both passed out before they’d gotten the chance to tell their friends that it was safe to come over, but now… 

Ben’s still wearing his wrist com for some force forsaken reason, and he’s never been more grateful as he raises it to his lips, and whispers quietly so as not to disturb his son. “Finn? Poe? Can you hear me?”

For a moment, all that fills the jungle is the sound of the bugs chirping and the wind in the leaves, then there’s a bit of static, and a relieved sigh. “Ben, thank the force, we were starting to think you were dead,” Poe’s voice says, and he’s never been more relieved to hear it. 

“No, quite the opposite, just tired.”

A chuckle. “I’ll bet. Everyone okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. Rey’s sleeping, I’m just outside with the baby—“

“ _ Can we see the baby _ ?” Finn interrupts, and Ben can hear his boyfriend laughing again through the com as he gently rocks his infant side to side where he stands. 

“I want to see it, too,” Poe admits, causing Ben to laugh, but he tries to keep it down as his son slowly begins to drift back into sleep. “Even if it means I have to acknowledge that you and Rey—“

“My son is right here, Poe.”

“He doesn’t know what I’m saying.”

“But I do.”

“Okay, fair, why did you com us, though, shouldn’t you be with Rey?”

He hesitates, then he swallows. “Actually, that’s why I’m comming you. I didn’t want to wake her up, but Jay started making noises, and so I brought him out here, and—“ Now he’s laughing to himself, but he wagers he sounds like a mad man. “I want to give my wife flowers, but I can’t do it one-handed and I can’t leave him alone. Could one or both of you come out here and watch him for a second while I, Uh, pick flowers for Rey?”

There’s another pause, then the sound of Finn mock gagging as Poe laughs lowly into the com. “That’s sweet, Ben. Yeah, we’ll be out there in a second.”

“Thanks guys.”

Then the com goes silent, and not a second later, he hears the door to the Damerons’ house opening up, and the couple stumbles out a little more loudly than he’d like. Shifting his hand slightly, he covers Jay’s ears, then walks forward to greet Finn and Poe as they come into view, their faces now visible in the moonlight. 

They’re both staring at him in shock. Well, they’re not staring at  _ him _ , really. They’re staring at the little bundle in his arms. 

“Hi,” he says, looking down at the baby. “Finn, Poe, this is Jay.”

“He’s so small,” Poe breathes, gently peeling back a piece of the blanket Ben wrapped around him to get a better look at his son’s face. “Oh, he’s got your hair.”

A smile parts Ben’s lips, pride filling him as Finn stands by his partner’s side. “I know.”

“Aw, that’s a sweet face,” Finn says, then he rests a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Congratulations, Ben.”

“Yeah, congratulations, both of you, and pass on our love to Rey.”

“Will do, but you can tell her yourself in the morning. She said she’d be awake,” Ben replied, then he laughs again. “But that was before he happened.”

Finn and Poe smile back at him, then the former of the two points to the baby. “Can we hold him? You said you had flowers to pick.”

“I do, yeah,” Ben says slowly, realizing he really doesn’t want to let his son go, even for a second, but he can sacrifice a tiny fraction of time, can’t he? He’s doing this for the woman he loves, so it’s worth it, isn’t it? 

Taking a deep breath, he raises his son’s little head to his lips, and presses a kiss into his hair, then he places him in Finn’s outstretched arms, the former stormtrooper cooing softly at him as he and Poe look down at the baby who has instantly fallen asleep in his arms.  _ Good.  _ That’ll be useful later. He needs his son to like  _ someone  _ who isn’t him and Rey. 

“All right, don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right here, I just need you to make sure he doesn’t cry for five minutes.” 

“We can do that,” Poe assures him, his fingers gently stroking Jay’s head as he smiles down at the oblivious baby. 

With one last, prolonged look at his son, Ben gets to work, heading straight for a gathering of tall, purple flowers with buds similar to a rose. He plucks three of them before he moves on to another shade of purple, a few blues mixed in with them, and he takes the azure shaded flowers in his hands, mixing them with the deeper color before he moves on to the next little grove nearby. 

In the background, he can hear Finn and Poe talking quietly amongst themselves, occasionally whispering to the baby they’re holding, but for the most part, he doesn’t listen to it, he’s too busy worrying about exactly which flowers to pick. He doesn’t want them to look too wilted, but he doesn’t want to be too much of a perfectionist. She loves the ones with flaws, loves the way they stand out from the rest and shine amongst the blur of the landscape. Her favorites are the blue ones with petals that grow brighter towards the center. They also smell the best, so he picks a lot of those, selecting only a few yellow ones to compliment the bunch before he stands tall with what must be a full bouquet of flowers. 

It’s a perfect arrangement, if he says so himself, and he makes a mental note to do this again on their anniversary in a couple of months. Of course, he still needs something to tie it with, and so he holds the flowers in his armpit for a couple of seconds as he tears a piece of fabric off of the edge of his shirt, then he ties it midway down the stems, and presents the bouquet proudly over his head for Finn and Poe to see. “What do you think?”

“Perfect,” the latter of the two says. “Absolutely perfect.”

“She’ll love it,” Finn adds, and Ben feels his chest swell with pride as he looks at it one last time, then he brings his arm down, and holds his other one out for his son. His friends look down at Jay, both seeming a little hypnotized by him for a few seconds longer, then they both sigh. “Okay, little guy, time to go back to dad.”

“Oh, that’s so weird,” Poe mutters. 

“Believe me, I know.” Then his son is in his arms again, and Ben smiles down at the newborn. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

His friends say their goodbyes, then the three of them make their way into their respective houses. When he gets to his front door, Ben finds himself having to use the force to open it, and a tiny wave of excitement fills his mind as his son watches what he’s doing. It occurs to him as he then walks quietly through the house that their baby, who’s been communicating with them from virtually the second they realized he existed, has felt this and might have a force sensitivity he doesn’t know how to control. 

That’s a hazard he’ll have to worry about later, though, for now, he has flowers to give. 

Making his way back into the bedroom, he’s relieved to see that his wife is still sleeping, but this time, her arm is wrapped around a pillow, as if she was seeking him in her unconscious state and had to settle for a substitute. A tiny chuckle escapes him, but he cuts it off quickly as he approaches the bed, and sits back down on the mattress, setting the flowers on the table next to it as he adjusts himself and the baby so that they are right back where they started. 

Unfortunately, he’s not as quiet as he thinks he is, and seconds later she stirs into consciousness, her eyes blinking open as they stare directly into his, and she smiles. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he replies, tightening his grip around his family as her hand comes up to rest on his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a speeder.”

Another laugh leaves him as he presses a kiss into his wife’s palm, still feeling as if he’s floating while she looks down at their son, and the smile on her face grows wider. He can feel her thoughts at the edge of their bond. Neither of them can believe he’s here. It’s felt like an eternity has passed while they waited, but it’s worth every second to see him lying there between them, still swaddled up in that blanket he’d wrapped him in before he went outside. 

Jay is perfect, absolutely perfect, and even though he’s been crying off and on all day, Ben wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe he’ll think differently after a few more weeks of this, but it’s still a blessing. It makes him feel safe, free, and alive, and reminds him that he’s made it out of the worst of his life. 

“He smells like flowers,” Rey says after a few seconds, blinking in confusion as she meets her husband’s gaze. “Why does he smell like flowers?”

This time, it’s his turn to smile as his fingers run gently up and down the muscle of her upper arm as he presses his forehead against hers. “I took him outside.” 

“Outside? When?”

“Just now, he was making noise and I didn’t want to wake you up, so I went outside… and then I saw the flowers,” he admits sheepishly, then he pulls back, still keeping one arm wrapped firmly around them both as he turns around, and grabs hold of the bouquet he’d arranged for her. “So I had Finn and Poe watch him while I, uh, picked some for you.”

Her eyes light up as she takes the flowers from him, holding the buds to her nose as she inhales deeply, and the scent fills the air. Both of them exhale contentedly a second later, then Rey adjusts her grip on the flowers, and pulls him close to her so that his forehead is against hers once more. “I love them, but why? You didn’t have to do that.”

“You love flowers, Rey, and I—I don’t know—I wanted to give you something,” he says sheepishly, feeling his body grow hotter as his wife giggles her response, then she wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and before he can get another word in, she’s kissing him, keeping it short and sweet as their son is lying between them, but it’s enough for him to know she loves him and she’s grateful. 

“You can marry me again any time, you know.”

“Is right now good for you?” he asks, then she giggles again, and he’s shushing her immediately. “Shhhh. You’ll wake him.”

“We need witnesses, Ben.”

“He’s twelve hours old.”

“He counts,” she protests, then she takes hold of his hand, folding his fingers so that his wedding ring is visible in the low light, and presses a kiss over the warm metal. “But maybe some other day.”

“Yeah, some other day,” he replies, then she sets the flowers down by her side, and hums contentedly as he pulls her and their son a little bit closer. “We should probably go back to sleep.”

“Mmmm…”

“You sound like you’re already there.” 

“‘M tired.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, then he plants a little kiss on the tip of her nose. “I’m proud of you.”

Another hum, then her grip on his hand starts falling slack again, and she wraps her arm around his waist instead as she nuzzles back into his shoulder, and he rests his head on top of hers, closing his eyes as the warmth of them both washes over him. It’s nice, he thinks, feeling like this, having a family of his own to hold. Even when it was just him and Rey he’d loved it, but this? This feels good, too. It’s a little weird, he admits, but it’s so peaceful he finds it doesn’t bother him much. 

Nothing will ever bother him again, nothing major, at least. The pieces of his life have finally fallen into place, and he begins to drift off into sleep with that serenity carrying him off into sweet oblivion. 

Then the baby starts crying, and as he and Rey both startle into full wakefulness, they both know they’re in for a very long night. 


End file.
